A friend recently responded to a letter I wrote and included the most perfect quote, as if they knew what I needed to hear. I read it, understood it, heard it loud and clear but still I sit and am overwhelmed with how to embrace its meaning. How do I stop doing everything I am doing and start doing something new when it is so far away from everything I know and love? I want to take the risk but I do not feel that I need the risk.

I have spent a lot of time on self-reflection, and I cannot fathom what I could learn about myself five-thousand miles from my current life that I cannot find here. I suppose I’ll never know if I do not run off to see. It is not the way I do things; it is not formal, not practiced and it is so far from safe. Not to say I live safely, in fact I often put myself in danger just for the thrill. But it is different, danger here is less, for here is home and home is safe.

I do things like spell out five-thousand instead of writing 5000 because I like formality, I like that I took the extra time to write out the words when most wouldn’t. I like that about myself. I like that I would consider going to the top of the world to work in a dangerous place because then I would know I was capable of it, even if it was only for a year or two.

I like that the picture I used here is unedited, but I don’t like that the reason for it is that I just did not take the time. I want it to appear as it was, like these words. This wasn’t planned, I just sat down and wrote them here. I like that if my friend reads this, they’ll know exactly who it is without me even saying it.

I love that if tomorrow I did not want to live this life anymore, I could live a different one. That is a freedom I did not understand until that letter, and now that I know it, I’m a little less frightened of the future and a little more angry with myself for not knowing what I should do next.