I am doing better in some ways. I am trying to be more disciplined and less distracted. Spending less time on the things that are not important feels better, and spending more time on the things that are important to me is the discipline. Not everything that is important is something I want to do, […]
Read more "Tu Undes Regis"I do not know how I allowed it to happen, but November passed right by and I hardly noticed. I told myself nearly every day to write something, anything, so I could feel as though I had accomplished even the smallest of tasks that remind me of the life I intend to live. And the […]
Read more "DECEMBER FOLLOWS"Pain, again. But I knew I’d end up here. I told her we would, and I was right because I know exactly who I am and what I do, and I’ve done it again. I am extremely loyal, in all aspects of my life, to the things that matter most to me. I have now […]
Read more "Lost and Found / Forward, March"I received my greatest compliment recently. In a betrayal of trust, someone close to me discovered my sadness, and the extent of it. When revealing this to me, they simply said “You are really good at hiding it.” I will forever be grateful for being told that. That has always been my goal, always been […]
Read more "Cold Summer"I do not know why it happens, but every moment of happiness that I endure reminds me that it isn’t for me. That whatever joy or feelings it brings is meant for someone else. That I am an actor, and what I say or do is almost a script, as if I need to convince […]
Read more "Why Do I Always Have to Run?"I have to get serious now. I have to walk straight into fear, as I have done before, but this time it seems so much more real. For this time, I have made myself responsible for broken feelings and the soul of someone I care so much about that I fear running the same course […]
Read more "All That There Was"I have a collection of books on my desk. They are a re-creation set, and when lined up in order on a shelf, the spines of the books create a wonderful illustration. I don’t have a shelf to put them on. I have a framed picture on the floor, leaning against a book case (that’s […]
Read more "A place for things"My grandmother wrote a book. It took her twenty years and she died far too soon after she had finished it, but she did finish it. She saw it published and read. I have read it several times, but it is a single sentence that stays with me. A line I have said to myself […]
Read more "Courage (and love)"A friend recently responded to a letter I wrote and included the most perfect quote, as if they knew what I needed to hear. I read it, understood it, heard it loud and clear but still I sit and am overwhelmed with how to embrace its meaning. How do I stop doing everything I […]
Read more "Five-thousand"“Through endurance we conquer” – E. H. Shackleton I rediscovered fear recently, but not of anything I can see It is of my future, and where my life will be. I feel so alone at times, and I blame no one for this as I know I have done it to myself. It can […]
Read more "cold"
inthenovember 