I do not know how I allowed it to happen, but November passed right by and I hardly noticed. I told myself nearly every day to write something, anything, so I could feel as though I had accomplished even the smallest of tasks that remind me of the life I intend to live. And the […]
Read more "DECEMBER FOLLOWS"Pain, again. But I knew I’d end up here. I told her we would, and I was right because I know exactly who I am and what I do, and I’ve done it again. I am extremely loyal, in all aspects of my life, to the things that matter most to me. I have now […]
Read more "Lost and Found / Forward, March"I received my greatest compliment recently. In a betrayal of trust, someone close to me discovered my sadness, and the extent of it. When revealing this to me, they simply said “You are really good at hiding it.” I will forever be grateful for being told that. That has always been my goal, always been […]
Read more "Cold Summer"I do not know why it happens, but every moment of happiness that I endure reminds me that it isn’t for me. That whatever joy or feelings it brings is meant for someone else. That I am an actor, and what I say or do is almost a script, as if I need to convince […]
Read more "Why Do I Always Have to Run?"I have to get serious now. I have to walk straight into fear, as I have done before, but this time it seems so much more real. For this time, I have made myself responsible for broken feelings and the soul of someone I care so much about that I fear running the same course […]
Read more "All That There Was"I have a collection of books on my desk. They are a re-creation set, and when lined up in order on a shelf, the spines of the books create a wonderful illustration. I don’t have a shelf to put them on. I have a framed picture on the floor, leaning against a book case (that’s […]
Read more "A place for things"My grandmother wrote a book. It took her twenty years and she died far too soon after she had finished it, but she did finish it. She saw it published and read. I have read it several times, but it is a single sentence that stays with me. A line I have said to myself […]
Read more "Courage (and love)"A friend recently responded to a letter I wrote and included the most perfect quote, as if they knew what I needed to hear. I read it, understood it, heard it loud and clear but still I sit and am overwhelmed with how to embrace its meaning. How do I stop doing everything I […]
Read more "Five-thousand"“Through endurance we conquer” – E. H. Shackleton I rediscovered fear recently, but not of anything I can see It is of my future, and where my life will be. I feel so alone at times, and I blame no one for this as I know I have done it to myself. It can […]
Read more "cold"“Mother Mary sings to me…” I feel as if I have less time than I used to. I described this feeling to my mother and she began to tell me of all the things I do now that I did not used to do, and that I’m much busier and thus I have less time. […]
Read more "Up in the Air"
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