I do not know why it happens, but every moment of happiness that I endure reminds me that it isn’t for me. That whatever joy or feelings it brings is meant for someone else. That I am an actor, and what I say or do is almost a script, as if I need to convince […]
Read more "Why Do I Always Have to Run?"I thought of writing today and opened this site to find that it was my anniversary…I started here six years ago, today. In the November, my favorite time of year and my favorite place. My home, my saving grace. To me it is just where I belong. It is gray and raining here today, as […]
Read more "If I Should Fall"Listen to piano music, and let it take you somewhere. I wanted to write tonight, but I don’t have much to say. I’ve been thinking a lot about time, because we have so little of it. It just gets away from me, and I hate that. I have things I want to do and things […]
Read more "Key Strokes"This morning, as we stood in the midnight air, we noticed a ring around the moon. “A moon ring,” my companion said. I was informed it happens when crystals in the sky catch light reflected from the moon. Light that has already been reflected from the sun. Recycled light, in a way. I don’t think […]
Read more "22° Halo"A friend recently responded to a letter I wrote and included the most perfect quote, as if they knew what I needed to hear. I read it, understood it, heard it loud and clear but still I sit and am overwhelmed with how to embrace its meaning. How do I stop doing everything I […]
Read more "Five-thousand"I wasn’t supposed to live this long. I shouldn’t have lived much past eighteen. I don’t know if I would have even made it that far; the doctors never said anything about that. And I was certain, even after I had been cleared, that something would come along and that would be the end. Eighteen […]
Read more "Eight.Three"I have found myself recently to be stuck in a way. It is hardly a matter of being able to make a decision, but more as if I feel I am running a marathon through the mud. It is as if every motion requires a calculation; how does turning this wrench help support my final […]
Read more "Forward, March"I experienced something I never expected. It left me feeling cold and emotionless, not far from my usual state, but in a different way. I hardly felt it at all and yet I feel I should have. I feel as though it may find me later, maybe months or years down the road. My significant […]
Read more "Without Resonance"I never allowed my acquaintances to get too close, and even my friends know very little of me. It is intentional, and I will likely remain this way, as I feel no need to burden others with this nonsense that plagues me. Even you do not have to read this, it is simply a choice […]
Read more "Interred"Anxiety is crushing. I’d expand but you either know the feeling or you do not. So anxiety is crushing, but so is gravity. Gravity did not stop us from shooting for the moon did it? It does not stop us from trying to play baseball. Can you escape gravity? Certainly…just break through the atmosphere. If […]
Read more "Deontologist"
inthenovember 